fish are friends. not food.

im beginning to think this obsession has gone a little too far, but ive decided i really dont care. sometimes you need to surround yourself with the things you love. i just cant get enough. all i think about are fish fish fish fish fish fish fish. and yes, i know, not everything that lives in the ocean is a fish, but its easier to say that than i love: fish crustaceans cephalopods invertebrates mollusks echinoderms arthropods reptiles and sooo many more. i hope some day i can become a good enough scientist that i can be paid to do what i love. i could not find anything that would make me happier than getting money for spending my whole day in the ocean researching everything.

these animals are my true love in life. theyre all i feel i need to be happy. im going to put so much effort into living my dream, which has sooo many elements to it. but i know one day, if iv

e done everything right, i will be exactly where i want to be. underwater.

"what am i supposed to say when im all choked up and youre okay?"

today was a fairytale.

i could not have asked for a more perfect day. i woke up to wet roads, and fell asleep to the soft pattering of rain on my window. no music tonight. just soothing and refreshing rain. this city is so dull and polluted, that its impossible to stare up at the stars at night. but when it rains, we finally have stars. they are like diamonds that fall from the sky and splash my face with their beauty.

even though i won't be listening to music while i sleep, a new taylor swift song came out today, which made it right to the top of my list simply with the title: today was a fairytale. her story describes the perfect date with her perfect guy, which i can image does make her feel like a princess. but for right now, my idea of a fairytale life just includes: a small town where it rains every day, a fog-smeared ocean, thick forests (on land and in the water), a few best friends who enjoy life just the same as i do, and a place i can be alone at some point and enjoy music and fish and my thoughts. what is this place? southern california. and not your stereotypical LA setting where there's movie stars and flashy lights. i'm eager to find the socal that's hidden underneath all the labels and has beauty that can't be portrayed on the cover of the september issue of Vogue. i want nature.

i hope the rain continues for the rest of this week, just like it's supposed to. and when it stops, i'll play it's sound until it returns again. out of all the simple things i love, rain has to bring me the greatest joy. it can never arrive at a bad time. it is always welcome to me.

"just know i'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain."

your secret's safe with me?

what does it mean to say "i promise" ?? does it really have any significance to people?? secrets have a purpose to me, and its a secret because if other poeple knew, it would affect my life entirely. i dont want to cause drama, and i dont want people to hate me. i'll keep your secret, will you keep mine??

i'm beginning to realize who my true friends are. the people who are always there for me, keep me filled in with their lives, and are interested in what's going on in mine. soon enough i will be heading off to college and meeting completely new people that i will end up getting close to, but i find a lot of comfort in knowing i can always come home to the ones who have been with me every step of the way. i really hope i can stay close to these people for at least the next two years in this dreaded town, and maybe, if im lucky, i'll have them in my life forever.

"whats it gonna take to confess what we both know? you gotta secret, you couldnt keep it, somebody leaked it"

new year, new joys, new problems.

3 is a magic number, right? it's the third day of this year, and im not convinced its magical at all. i have felt a magically feeling, in fact i was at the "happiest place in the world." i havent felt that in so long, im beginning to believe it doesnt exist anymore. what does it take to be truly happy?

its only been three days since 2010 began, and ive already managed to: get my mom to storm off to bed screaming at me, be lied to by my best friend, and become disappointed in so many people. guess i dont need a lot of time to ruin my life currently.

maybe my problem is that i overanalyze everything, but i cant help it. theres so much to think about for me right now. i hope 2010 doesnt drag on like most of 2009 nine did, because it made me miserable. i find happiness in the simplest things, so i guess i need to find more little things to make me happy. i know not every problem has a solution, but i like to think it does. so i always do everything i can to find one. its what i feel is right.

"I thought you said i'd be okay, so why am i breaking apart?"