500 Days of Sammy - Day 15

The person you miss the most. Marika Morrow: I haven't seen you since Christmas, but it feels like it's been years. I wish I still lived in California for so many reasons, and the fact that I would be able to see you practically every weekend is a major factor. We are finally going to meet up again on our family vacation, and it feels like it can't come quick enough. I have been anticipating August 4th since the day you left. I can't wait to see you and tell you all about what has happened in the past six months, and nothing beats your interesting stories about Stephen. We are definitely calling him again. I'll see you at Pudding Creek.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 14

Someone you've drifted away from. KP: You haven't been showing up to practices very much this summer, so I rarely get to have fun conversations with you anymore. Mallory and I always bring up the countless inside jokes we have, and it's disappointing that you're never there to reminisce with us. I hope to see you more as this summer comes to an end, and I hope that we can be as close as we were when you first moved to our team. I love you, Kim Possible!

500 Days of Sammy - Day 13

I fell behind yet again because of another out of town swim meet. That's basically been my summer so far. Swim.

Someone you wish could forgive you. I don't feel like I should have to ask for anyone's forgiveness right now, because no one that I care about is upset with me. If anyone reading this feels like they deserve an apology from me, then you should confront me about it.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 12

Yes, I'm doing two days in one because I skipped a day.

The person you hate the most/caused you the most pain. Ahhh freshman year. The time of stupid decisions, naïve thoughts, and false feelings. Nobody had ever really complimented me before I met you, so I thought what you were saying to me was unique and special. Boyyyy was I wrong. Every word you have ever said to me was a lie. There may have been a week when we first met that you were being sincere, but that's it. From then on what we had a was pathetic excuse of a relationship. I shared so much with you, and I gave you my whole heart and all my trust, and you threw all of that down and stomped on it. Actually, you used a jack-hammer to shatter it. I wish I could say we're friends or that we've resolved our conflicts, but when I tried to do that you shut me down because it was all a joke to you. I don't hate you, but I am extremely disappointed that you didn't turn out to be a better person. I wish people really could change.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 11

A deceased person you wish you could talk to: Great Grandma Grace, you passed away when I was 12, and I was too young to realize what an amazing person you were. I wish we could talk about swimming and helping people, the two things you were the best in the world at. I still think about you a lot, and you help me through problems every day. You had so much determination to always be there for those people who were important to you, but you continued to swim until you were ninety six. You have made me realize that it's okay to want to have a social life, and be a successful swimmer because it's possible. I hope I can help as many people as you did, and I'm going to break your record in the 100 backstroke so we can keep it in our family name for another 100 years.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 10

Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to: There are two people that have grown away from me this summer. Katie, you agree that we haven't been talking as much, and it really kills me. Every time something happens in my life that I find important, I want to drive to your house and tell you every little detail. Unfortunately my hectic life doesn't allow that, and I'm lucky if I can visit you once a week. Once school starts again I know we will be closer than ever, and I'm gonna make sure our junior year is the best school year yet. For now, just keep your head up, and I will be sure to leave room for you in my calendar. We will always be best friends, no matter how often we get to talk. I promise.

Thomas, I don't really know when we stopped talking, but I know it's been too long. I know that your mom rarely lets you leave the house and you can't control that, but we swim at the same pool everyday and I still feel like I haven't seen you in months. Mostly because you've gotten closer to more guys on the team, and now Sean is here, so it's obvious you'll always put them before me. I just wish we could laugh together like we used to. Now when we talk it's dull and uneventful. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if the end of summer brings us close again. I certainly hope so.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 09

Someone you wish you could meet: No one really comes to mind when I think of someone that I would like to meet and have a nice conversation with. There are plenty of famous people out there who inspire me to work towards my dreams everyday, but I have my friends to do that for me also. I suppose the reason for this is because they are the people who know me best, and they can decide what is good for me. If I were to have a little chat with someone I had just met, I would only put a small amount of consideration into what they have to tell me about life, swimming, singing, or whatever they have advice on, because everyone has different experiences, which makes everyone have a different outlook.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 08

Your favorite internet friend. I haven't met very many people via the internet, but those I have are very interesting to me and I'm glad I got to know them. The first person that comes to mind is William Sims. He goes to Green Valley and we met through mutual friends on facebook. Classy, I know. We talked from seven until midnight one time, even though we had only known each other for 3 days. This falls into the stranger post from a few days ago. We don't talk much anymore, and I'm fairly certain that's because all he ever does is hang out with his girlfriend. I find it disappointing when people become so consumed with their significant other that they can't see what is going on in the world around them. Hopefully we'll talk again soon, because we connect to each other easily and make each other laugh, which is always a good thing. Most of all, I like talking to him because he proves that not all guys are the same. Some of them are truly kind-hearted and are only interested in having a light conversation with a friend. Nothing more.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 07

I was out of town for a swim meet, yet again, so I missed quite a few days of posting.

Your ex-boyfriend: I posted a blog about you not too long ago which basically summed up my feelings towards you now. Since then, we've been talking, but I still think you're oblivious to the fact that I think you're an idiot and you don't care about anyone but yourself. You don't take the time to get to know people well enough to know when something is really bothering them. To me, it's no big deal, honestly. I am doing great without you. In fact, I'm doing better. I found this new guy. You know him, actually. He has been there for me through everything; even getting over you. He's also really successful, and cares about me. So I upgraded, and you downgraded. I win.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 06

A Stranger: You meet a new person everyday. Whether it's while checking out at the grocery store, going to a party, or even just seeing an attractive person walking by, you notice someone new each day. One stranger that I will probably never forget is Martin from Knotts Berry Farm. For my friend Mallory's sweet sixteen we spent a day there, and met the friendliest people. All the workers were welcoming and helpful. We met Martin when I decided it would be fun to try his game booth and make him guess my weight. Lucky for me, I look like I weigh a lot less than I actually do, so I got a Patrick Star stuffed animal. All Martin knows about me is how much I weight, that I swim, and I am strangely obsessed with Spongebob, and we were able to talk for 4 hours. It's amazing what unique connections people can have while making small talk. Martin is no stranger anymore; he's 20, hoping to be engaged soon, and lives on Mulberry Avenue. It's hard to believe how big your first impression of a stranger can be.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 05

Your dreams: I'm not sure if this is supposed to be what fills my head while I sleep, or what I hope of becoming when I'm an adult. I guess I'll do both.

I don't remember my dreams very often, but when I do dream, they're really weird. I mostly think this is because I daydream a LOT during the day about the most random scenarios that would never happen. For example, the last dream I remember I had while I was in Cali for a swim meet, and I dreamed that I was on a Japanese game show and when I got to the top of an obstacle course I jumped off, landed in a tropical rain forest, and started swinging from vines singing the Tarzan theme song. I think this means that I'm longing for adventure. I also dream about the boy I like, of course. I imagine us in places all over the world, from Alabama to Zimbabwe. I wish dreams really did come true.

As for my dreams of what I will become in the future, all I want is to be in the ocean with all those amazing creatures that inspire me. I want to learn about every little barnacle and plankton, and look into the eye of a blue whale. But most of all, I want to save a minimum of 1000 animals from ignorant fisherman that have no consideration for the damage they do to the ocean. Also, I plan on stopping the dolphin slaughtering in Japan. Just a few of the things on my bucket list that I think about every day of this life I live. Again, I really wish dreams would come true.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 04

Your sibling: Oh dear. I don't have much to say about Dan. That's mostly because he's never really acted like a brother towards me. We don't get along, and we try and keep our distance. In fact, we were the most cordial towards each other when he was a solid 3 hour plane ride away. I wish him the best of luck in life, but I can't wait to get away forever.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 03

I fell way behind because I was out of town for a swim meet, then I went on vacation, so I'm just gonna pick up where I left off.

Your Parents: The people who brought me into this world. I'm supposed to owe my whole life to them, right? Devote myself to making them happy and always listening to what they have to say, but for some reason I can't seem to do that. I feel like my parents are never truly happy with what I do. In fact, the only time I thought they were honestly proud of me is when I got fast enough to get a swim scholarship. My grades aren't as good as I should be, I'm not responsible, and I don't act like a family member. I try so hard to do everything they ask, but it's hard for me to keep up with school, swim, my social life, and family. It's too much for me to handle. I guess I made the wrong choice when I decided my friends were more important to me than my parents. Unfortunately, there's nothing they can do to change that, because my friend's have been there for me through hardships, while my parents didn't give a shit. The past is real, and I let it influence how I think of them now. Of course I love my mom and dad, but I can't wait to live on my own.

"Our scars remind us that the past is real."

500 Days of Sammy - Day 02

Your Crush: i can't put your name on here because i never know who is going to read this. you will never know how I feel about you, because you intimidate me, so i don't have the will power to tell you how i feel. i have known you for 8 years, and there has never been a moment where we didn't think of each other as close friends; that is still not enough time for me to learn to not be insecure around you. i can be myself and have a good time, but i'm afraid you'll see me differently now that i like you. everything about you makes you better than me, which is why i know you could never feel the same way about me. you will always see me as the little girl you met soooo long ago. we have both grown up since then, but we managed to stick together and even today we act the same around each other. you were there for me through breakups, family troubles, and bad performances at swim meets; i did the same for you. this is what every girl dreads: falling for her best friend, because you will never see me as more than that.

<3?

wow. wowowowowow.

ouch. that was a real slap to the face. somehow you manage to continue to hurt me. the worst part is you don't even realize it. i wish you could see how shallow the rest of the world thinks you are. even your best friend will admit it. don't worry though. none of us are going to say it to your face, because we actually care about your feelings. i wish you had the same amount of sensitivity as your friends, because i actually like them. yes, i'm over you, but you're the one who said you wanted to be friends. well friends don't do this to each other. i've given you so many chances, and let it roll off my shoulders every time you screw this "friendship" up, but this is the last straw. i can't handle your cold presence anymore. and as for your new girl, who i thought was one of my close friends, well she can just fall off the planet. she has never been a good person, and never will be. have fun with that. you're a cold asshole, she's a slutty bitch. what a perfect match. i could say so much more, but now all i have are two simple words. hopefully your slow brain can understand them. grow up.

500 Days of Sammy - Day 01

Your Best Friend: Katelyn Marie Sokulski, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. From the day we met, you have been saving my life. We have had countless moments together that have changed my life in a positive way. You never cease to amaze me, and you are my hero. I know your life is filled with obstacles greater than what anyone we know will ever experience, but your strength and determination allows you to overcome that, which inspires me everyday to be the best that I can. I love you with all my heart.

You complete me <3

500 Days of Sammy

My best friend is doing this, and I have nothing else to do, so I’ll start the 30 day letter thing too. Here’s the list:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

hypocritical.

i know i ask people questions on formspring too, but i ask questions that don't hurt anyone's feelings, so i guess i'm not a hypocrite. however, just because something isn't anonymous doesn't give you the right to be a bitch and start to judge people. noone wants your opinion because you don't have the balls to say it to their face.

"your words don't translate and it's getting quite late so please don't stay in touch."

don't forget.

there will always be something in your life that you will never forget. it may be a boyfriend/girlfriend, a stuffed animal, or a certain vacation. for a while, i had forgotten how much i am in love with owl city. adam's music is always perfect, and has never grown old to me. the songs are so moving and powerful. i don't know what i got caught up in, but it was definitely not more valuable to me than these wonderful sounds of sorrow and enlightenment. keep 'em coming, mr. Young. ♪ ♬ ♡

"for all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas, with friends like these, well who needs enemies?"

break her heart, and i'll break your face.

she is my best friend, and i will not just stand here and watch you hurt her. i'm sick of coming to school and hearing stories about how you made her cry last night over one of the stupidest things imaginable. if you don't want to talk about something, then don't bring it up in conversation. if something is bothering you, say something right when you notice. suck it up, and speak your mind. that's all i ask, is that you be honest with her, so she isn't forced to go through anything dramatic. nobody wants to deal with you during your over exaggerated mood swings. nobody wants you to take it out on her when you have a bad day. its not her fault you are over-thinking everything and questioning yourself. you can take care of that, then talk to her when you know what 2 + 2 is. i consider this my fair warning: watch what you say and do, or i'll come after you.

"they call me crazy. i got your crazy."

dont judge me.

im dramatic. im strange. im crazy. im obsessive. im stupid. im annoying. im everything people dont want me to be. why are you always so quick to judge? am i really doing that much wrong to turn you into a monster that calls me names and makes fun of every move i make? i know ive got my own set of flaws, and i do everything in my power to make myself a better person, but i wish you could see your own imperfections, because there's a lot you missed. so the next time you are about to say something about me and what ive done wrong, dont waste your breath; take that moment to think about what youre doing and how you could criticize yourself instead of me. i dont need your opinion on everything that i do, and when i want it, i will definitely ask for it. until then, im on my knees begging you to stop putting me down; theres nothing that can lift me back up anymore.

today someone told me that im not hard to figure out. the thought of this being true made me run away in tears. i hid in a library for half an hour analyzing who i am and what really matters to me. ive never gone through something as frustrating as not knowing my purpose, and what i should do with my life. it seems that since everything has always been laid out for me and i always had my decisions set in stone by someone. now that i get to make my own choices, im confused about my opinions and interests. i wish there was someone who could tell me if im honestly good at what i love doing, but i dont know what that is. just another impossibly stable brick wall in my life. i wish i had a bulldozer.

"you're not a man, you're just a mannequin."

fish are friends. not food.

im beginning to think this obsession has gone a little too far, but ive decided i really dont care. sometimes you need to surround yourself with the things you love. i just cant get enough. all i think about are fish fish fish fish fish fish fish. and yes, i know, not everything that lives in the ocean is a fish, but its easier to say that than i love: fish crustaceans cephalopods invertebrates mollusks echinoderms arthropods reptiles and sooo many more. i hope some day i can become a good enough scientist that i can be paid to do what i love. i could not find anything that would make me happier than getting money for spending my whole day in the ocean researching everything.

these animals are my true love in life. theyre all i feel i need to be happy. im going to put so much effort into living my dream, which has sooo many elements to it. but i know one day, if iv

e done everything right, i will be exactly where i want to be. underwater.

"what am i supposed to say when im all choked up and youre okay?"

today was a fairytale.

i could not have asked for a more perfect day. i woke up to wet roads, and fell asleep to the soft pattering of rain on my window. no music tonight. just soothing and refreshing rain. this city is so dull and polluted, that its impossible to stare up at the stars at night. but when it rains, we finally have stars. they are like diamonds that fall from the sky and splash my face with their beauty.

even though i won't be listening to music while i sleep, a new taylor swift song came out today, which made it right to the top of my list simply with the title: today was a fairytale. her story describes the perfect date with her perfect guy, which i can image does make her feel like a princess. but for right now, my idea of a fairytale life just includes: a small town where it rains every day, a fog-smeared ocean, thick forests (on land and in the water), a few best friends who enjoy life just the same as i do, and a place i can be alone at some point and enjoy music and fish and my thoughts. what is this place? southern california. and not your stereotypical LA setting where there's movie stars and flashy lights. i'm eager to find the socal that's hidden underneath all the labels and has beauty that can't be portrayed on the cover of the september issue of Vogue. i want nature.

i hope the rain continues for the rest of this week, just like it's supposed to. and when it stops, i'll play it's sound until it returns again. out of all the simple things i love, rain has to bring me the greatest joy. it can never arrive at a bad time. it is always welcome to me.

"just know i'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain."

your secret's safe with me?

what does it mean to say "i promise" ?? does it really have any significance to people?? secrets have a purpose to me, and its a secret because if other poeple knew, it would affect my life entirely. i dont want to cause drama, and i dont want people to hate me. i'll keep your secret, will you keep mine??

i'm beginning to realize who my true friends are. the people who are always there for me, keep me filled in with their lives, and are interested in what's going on in mine. soon enough i will be heading off to college and meeting completely new people that i will end up getting close to, but i find a lot of comfort in knowing i can always come home to the ones who have been with me every step of the way. i really hope i can stay close to these people for at least the next two years in this dreaded town, and maybe, if im lucky, i'll have them in my life forever.

"whats it gonna take to confess what we both know? you gotta secret, you couldnt keep it, somebody leaked it"

new year, new joys, new problems.

3 is a magic number, right? it's the third day of this year, and im not convinced its magical at all. i have felt a magically feeling, in fact i was at the "happiest place in the world." i havent felt that in so long, im beginning to believe it doesnt exist anymore. what does it take to be truly happy?

its only been three days since 2010 began, and ive already managed to: get my mom to storm off to bed screaming at me, be lied to by my best friend, and become disappointed in so many people. guess i dont need a lot of time to ruin my life currently.

maybe my problem is that i overanalyze everything, but i cant help it. theres so much to think about for me right now. i hope 2010 doesnt drag on like most of 2009 nine did, because it made me miserable. i find happiness in the simplest things, so i guess i need to find more little things to make me happy. i know not every problem has a solution, but i like to think it does. so i always do everything i can to find one. its what i feel is right.

"I thought you said i'd be okay, so why am i breaking apart?"