im dramatic. im strange. im crazy. im obsessive. im stupid. im annoying. im everything people dont want me to be. why are you always so quick to judge? am i really doing that much wrong to turn you into a monster that calls me names and makes fun of every move i make? i know ive got my own set of flaws, and i do everything in my power to make myself a better person, but i wish you could see your own imperfections, because there's a lot you missed. so the next time you are about to say something about me and what ive done wrong, dont waste your breath; take that moment to think about what youre doing and how you could criticize yourself instead of me. i dont need your opinion on everything that i do, and when i want it, i will definitely ask for it. until then, im on my knees begging you to stop putting me down; theres nothing that can lift me back up anymore.
today someone told me that im not hard to figure out. the thought of this being true made me run away in tears. i hid in a library for half an hour analyzing who i am and what really matters to me. ive never gone through something as frustrating as not knowing my purpose, and what i should do with my life. it seems that since everything has always been laid out for me and i always had my decisions set in stone by someone. now that i get to make my own choices, im confused about my opinions and interests. i wish there was someone who could tell me if im honestly good at what i love doing, but i dont know what that is. just another impossibly stable brick wall in my life. i wish i had a bulldozer.
"you're not a man, you're just a mannequin."
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